For a long time there was a tension in my home.  I felt called to ministry, and my dad didn’t want me to be in ministry.  At first, this made me angry.  Who was he to tell me what to do with my life?  How dare he say that because I was a girl I couldn’t do it!  Why did he hate me so much?!  Granted, I was a teenager who disagreed with everything my dad said, and felt like he was constantly against me. Now, after hearing his heart, I understand his reasoning.  Like most parents, my dad thought I was a one-in-a-million, a female genius/creative/effective/diligent/talented/etc. person who could make a butt-load of cash doing anything I wanted.  He thought that in ministry I would never get the chance I deserved as a female, and I could make a lot more money doing something else.  Maybe he was right. 

As someone who has recently taken on a huge responsibility in ministry, I am constantly fighting fears and insecurities.  I’m pretty sure that this garbage is coming from the devil, because, well…he’s a jerk.  A lot of them come back to me being a girl, and this is pretty unusual for me.  Girls are known as being emotional, relational, and complex multi-tasking creatures.  This exact thing is what you would think would be great for ministry, right?  It turns out that sometimes the thing that makes me great at my job also hurts me.  In a field that has been painted like a ‘he-man woman haters club’ in my mind, I am quick to fall for the lie.  I am a part of one of the most modern churches around, one with little (or no) politics, and an environment that I have been welcomed and embraced as an equal among my peers, the devil has flooded my thoughts with lies…”it’s ‘cause you’re a girl.”  While yes, I am a girl, there has yet to be a time where I was excluded or missed out on things because I am a girl.  And even if there were, who cares?!  I am called to do middle school ministry.  It is my job to do middle school ministry.  Anything outside of that is all fluff.  So while I may get emotional when I hear the lie or feel left out or misinterpret situations and read too much into them (another “wonderful” female trait), I have learned that my emotional distress is the cause of a liar and a thief.  I have also realized that if I don’t check these feelings and emotions at the door, it hinders my ability to do ministry on a team of people who I have imagined to be the enemy.  I cannot let the very thing that makes me good at ministry be the thing that holds me back.

Maybe my dad was right, but that doesn’t change my calling.  That doesn’t change the fact that God has placed me where He wants me, and it is my job to be a good diligent steward of it.  As long as I do that, my God will provide all the support and security I could need.

p.s.  My dad is fully supportive of me and my ministry.  He is awesome!